changes for marginamia : (

  My favorite dyed egg from Easter was the one that looked like twilight. The egg dying got me crazy to try more, so Monday we dyed a slew of little dresses and dishtowels with turmeric (hooked) and Azalea petals (fail).  The rabbits I made for the girls, Daffodil and Crocus (both boys. pattern here), were named by Nona.  The last photo was taken during a funeral for a bee named... Bee.  You can see the bee in the jar if you look closely.   Nona thanked the bee for "probably" making honey and helping our mother nature so much.  She wanted to put the bee amidst her flower arrangement, where Bee would feel most comfortable.  Then Nona (naturally?) decided the bee would want us to dissect her.  These types of experiences with my family are all light and non-urgent, but important (and even essential), just the same.  None of them have anything obvious to do with today's post, either.   These are just the kind of things I have the time to plan and do on a Saturday with my husband and kids (or in my coveted alone time), when I'm not dealing with crazy emails.  

Wha? If this post seems a bit erratic and rambling (it will), please forgive and bare with me.

I am getting increasingly more emails requesting both public and private consultations. Let me say right up front that I love helping people name their children. I mean, what an honor really.  So it makes me a bit sad that I'm going to be quitting this portion of my services for some time. I can't say that it's permanent, but I think it will be a while before I go back to it. Why? Ugh. 

I've really struggled with whether or not share any details here. It's one thing to value being open with one's experiences (I do), but something else to share the dirty details about someone else's behavior.  It's usually no question for me: with the exception of outing unsavory business practices or cases of giants taking advantage of little guys,  I usually lean on the side of caution and mind my mother's tenet that it's lacking in class and grace to share the dirty details of quarrels and misdealings (sharing them in front of an audience would certainly meet a wagging finger).  In this case, though, I am going to share. I think it's unfair to discontinue something major (consultations) and not tell people why.   I am also balancing any misgivings I might have about doing this by keeping in mind that the person's identity is anonymous, and I'm not sharing the really dirty details.  And who knows, maybe this post will serve as a bit of social pressure for this person, and she'll stop contacting me.

I've had a bad experience. One person, whose consultation I more than completed, has come back too many times using newly constructed identities for herself in order to get more consultation time. She comes up with fake names, new email addresses, and some truly *whopper* accompanying stories - which would be funny if they didn't waste so much of my time - in requesting that I do a consultation for her unborn child. There's no child; she wants a new name for herself and wants more and more and more of my time (and yours) to help her find one that will satisfy her each time she changes her mind about the one she settled on last. (I have nothing against changing one's  name, I just prefer honesty about it and thoughtfulness regarding my time and readership).    She learned my process well enough to know that by the time I call her on it, I'll have provided lists and queries for her to ponder, information on names, etc, so she doesn't care that I'm unable to print the work I've done or taken time from other pursuits to focus on her unending quest. 

Given that I just can't seem to avoid this person coming back over and over, given that people will engage in this sort of stuff at all, I just don't want to do consultations for the time being. If anyone has any suggestions as to how I can sort of request that people prove in some way that they are who they say they are, I'm certainly open to them.  Though, this proof I'm seeking from people might not be possible, and it might certainly be off-putting as a request?   But you guys, my entanglement with this person has been going on for almost as long as I've had this blog.   I'm just done until I can find some way around this issue, and my good graces are worn thin.

What's the big deal?   For one thing,  I can't print this stuff -- it's false, and it wastes the time and good faith of my readers.  My own time is pretty precious to me, too (massive understatement). One really in-depth post can take a few weeks of nap times and daddy-outings to create, which is why they aren't super frequent.  Creating them means I'm not doing something else (like sewing bunnies, gathering dyeing supplies, or using that precious alone time to write other things, things that will actually end up being posted).  Please don't get me wrong, I love writing this blog, and am so grateful for this space.  I love making new online friends, talking to the people who most inspire me, and writing about some of my favorite subjects.  It truly is a labor of love.  But let's be honest - that time is coming from somewhere.  I am just not willing to spend it on something untrue and unfair.

I'm feeling pretty frustrated. I'd already stopped sharing a lot of personal bits after someone claimed to be V-June's aunt on the Facebook page of another website last year. creepy. and I haven't shared that much of my children anyway, right?  I dealt with it by promptly going through and deleting my children's complete names from all my posts (along with their name stories).  me, the writer of a name blog.  I know this kind of thing can't be prevented, and I have to decide whether or not to let these people influence my decisions (it sure gives them some power, huh?), but for now I need to step back and gear down. 

I will be posting my final consultation next week. The mother of the family runs a public blog with a history (so I'm sure she's real.)  Please come gather one last time to help name some babies. Yes, plural. They're twins!  If you are a pretty public figure with a blog or something that shows who you are, I may come off consultation-sabbatical for you, too.  

I want to say that many of the people I admire, I admire because they are unwaveringly forthright - generous in sharing their earnestness, even if it's potentially embarrassing; willing to expose their own foibles and struggles; and ever-willing to be vulnerable and generous at the risk of being taken advantage of.   I, too, am trying daily to be open and vulnerable.  I don't want to care if I embarrass myself by enthusiastically expressing my admiration, gratitude, and love to the people who touch my life in large and small ways.  And I want to be totally unfazed (and even compassionate) when someone sees my open door and happy generosity as opportunity for exploitation. But sometimes those opportunists make it pretty difficult to keep going with something. And at this point in my life, with such little sleep and two small children who require so much of my time and enthusiasm, I want to save the fruits of my thoughtful brainstorming for the people who most deserve them.

I'm sorry (and thank you) to all of you who have sought me out for help and to those who would in the future. Congratulations to you all on experiencing the wonder of pregnancy, birth, adoption, parenting and watching those little sibling bonds bloom! I hope my archives will be of some inspiration to you. 

Thank you, readers, for reading this. Speaking of "whoppers", right? 

And, what the heck? From today's post:

Daffodil

Crocus (love this on a boy)

Bee

Azalea