Ask - Sarah Buttenwieser

Sarah Buttenwieser is a mom to four, political activist and writer  (not to mention a master baby namer, you guys.)


Sarah authors blog, Standing in the Shadows at The Valley Advocate; contributes to a parenting blog from The New York Times; writes for The Huffington Post, Momfilter, Babble, Bamboo magazine, and Brainchild magazine. She contributed to books, The Maternal is Political: Women Writers at the Intersection of Motherhood and Social Change, and Welcome to my World: Working Moms vs Stay-At-Home-Moms.

Sarah's writing is smart, honest and informative, though you'll never find Sarah boasting about her own intellectual leaps. She'd rather help you make your own, even if it means making herself a bit vulnerable by sharing her personal struggles. She shows a real trusts for her readers (both in what she says and what she doesn't) that is just really beautiful and makes reading her articles such a joy. 


It really pleases my soul to know that the same thoughtfulness and insightfulness that goes into her writing is guiding four beautiful children through the magic of childhood and on into world-sculpting adulthood. 

So, here's Sarah!

-- Anything you can share about your writing process? How do you

 work through ideas; are you super organized about it, or is there a ton of stuff constantly floating around your head? 

Sometimes, I do my best thinking about writing after I drop my kids at the bus stop while walking home. Another routine moment to work stuff out about writing is in the dark when I wake up really early. But I really just believe in showing up. That's so much of it for me. What I read, what's happening at home, a photograph I took and like, all that might become fodder (and this week I'm going to write about a friend's photograph I loved). I am less about planning though than working. I do write a lot. 

-- When do you work? Do you ever have the luxury of being uninterrupted? 

Theoretically, there are three days each week when all four of my kids are in school. Last week, though, there was one. Add two sick kids, but on two different days and a professional development day. This week, again, the tally is one. I love when I can just dive into some quiet, but I do sneak away and grab it even if people are about.

-- How does having little ones around affect your writing, both practically and in terms of inspiration? 

I moved from writing fiction to nonfiction when my eldest was a toddler because I realized I was too interested in what was going on around me to want to escape to someone else's world. So, simultaneously, the smalls inspire and tug at my ability to write. 

-- Are you ever writing and parenting at the same time or do you keep them separate? 

This is one piece of multi-tasking I do regularly. 

-- Who are some of your favorite authors of the moment? Any new stuff you're excited about?

I just read--and loved--Katie Rosman's memoir If You Knew Suzy. Like every other mama/writer I am about to read the new parenting and grandparenting memoir by Anne Lamott. My biggest writer (and illustrator) crush, though, at the moment is picture book author and artist Bob Graham. Has Anyone Here Seen William? is in heavy rotation in our house and I am reminded each read through how much I heart Bob Graham. This is about the oft-forgotten fourth child. It's touching and real and sweet--and a little scrappy.

-- What do you think is the most important thing we can do (or not do) to nurture our children's creativity and unique interests? 

Listen when they ramble on about things you never thought you'd be focusing on: and I do mean from construction trucks to lighting design. I believe if they grow up with their interests honored, they keep having more new, compelling passions.

-- What are your children's names? How did you choose them? Any almost names that didn't make the cut? 

Ezekiel, Lucien, Remiel ('Remy') and Saskia. We liked the names, that's the short answer. Ezekiel's contender for a name was Isaiah and then he was born in the caul--the water didn't break--and it's said babies born in the caul have second sight just as it is said of the prophet Ezekiel. Who's gonna mess with that? Lucien means light, and he was born on a bright May afternoon. Remiel is the archangel of compassion and he was born a few months before the Iraq War; we liked so much the idea of spreading compassion. Saskia is a name we loved from before our first was born and she was Rembrandt's wife.

-- any names you love right now?

Gosh so many. I am available to help! A friend just had Lucy Matilda and now I'm totally taken with Matilda.

-- two favorite things in/about your home (other than family/pets)?

My little cubby (I've written about it on the blog). The steps on the front and side porches.

-- The last thing you paid close attention to outside?

We're having a very early burst of warm spring weather and the flowering trees are bursting before the leaves have arrived; it's both pretty and kind of strangely out of kilter.

-- Favorite drink and snack for busy time?  

Pretty much addicted to local apples from August or September until they start to dwindle in variety and diminish in total deliciousness (about now, March). I'm working on other easy snacks, like carrots with peanut butter. Or rice cake with peanut butter. And always, the favorite treat is tart frozen yogurt.

-- You can go anywhere in the world and can leave today, where are you going? 

I have two places I really adore going: London -- we used to live there, friends, favorite streets to wander, Indian food, gardens to admire -- and the gulf coast of Florida -- sand between toes, that ocean breeze.

-- A few of your favorite sites for easy/quick ways to stay plugged into important issues (for busy moms)? 

My Twitter feed is heavily weighted to keep up on reproductive justice issues. 

Progressive Breakfast is a great resource, too for all kinds of issues progressive people care about.

-- Favorite political watchdog groups? 

Here's one group that can keep you up to date on reproductive justice issues.

The National Priorities Project monitors how much the government (our tax dollars) spends on stuff like war. I think this is a site to bookmark and watch closely.

-- any upcoming projects for you that we can keep an eye out for? 

I'm zigging and zagging some around the interwebs. I also started a Tumblr and for whatever reason I am enamored with it (and am trying to use it to report on my other cyber-whereabouts as things get published).

-- Name Game: please help us create a name by answering the following:

1. for the first name, what's a name of a beloved writer:

Katherine

2.  for the middle name, what's a name of a activist/political mover-shaker whom you admire:

 Sanders

My goodness, what a family of names! Sarah, your childrens' names are so lovely and perfectly meaningful - oh, how I love them. Thank you for such a delightful chat and all the inspiration you provide.

(images 1-3 courtesy Momfilter,)

Ask: Megan Nielson of Design Diary

That's oh-so-lovely clothing designer Megan Nielsen above. She hails from Perth, but currently lives in the U.S. with her husband and two children, 'Bunny' and 'Buddy'.  I was so happy to stumble upon her blog and find such a warm soul, lovely garments, and super fun DIY tutorials. 

a giant thank you to Megan Neilsen for giving us our interview today for Ask!

Megan makes and sells patterns in addition to garments, and there are maternity patterns amongst them. Maternity!  The adorable names on Megan's patterns? Pina and Rie (My own great grandmother was a Ree).   She has recently gotten into designing for children, as well, and I can't wait to see more. 

Megan's newest winter line, Country Roads, will be available for purchase this Saturday, December 17, in her online store, featuring the Meadow, Kelly and Chantilly skirts and the Ridgeway, Sudley and Peidmont blouses. Peidmont is a "long sleeve sister" to the Banksia. I'm thrilled the beautiful Banksia got a new sibling--the navy blue silk is so pretty!

The online lookbook for Country Roads was a beautiful collaboration with Tania (model) of the blog, What Would a Nerd Wear, and Sydney Poulton (photographer) of the blog The Daybook (who I previously featured here). Congratulations, Megan, on such a pretty winter collection!

Here are some of Megan's lovely garments from a past fall collection:

And while her recent Christmas garland and stocking tutorials will certainly help you find your holiday groove, her mint green shorts will have you wanting to rewind a bit back to summer time-- I mean, if there were ever a reason to deal with the heat! 

Megan regularly offers generous advice on starting your own clothing lines and businesses, and her support of the independent design community doesn't stop there; she also regularly features

interviews with independent designers! Her most recent is with Lyndsay Senerchia of shop Seams to Be (below).

I love the sense of community that forms around handmade living, small businesses, and peer support. Everyone benefits from this type of supportive community, designers and consumers alike.

And speaking of handmade and recycled goodies, I think I'm going to be heading to the thrift store where Megan found this amazing stack of fabric! Maybe they'll have more plaids and checks?  I'm so curious about what's going to be made with it!

So let's talk to Megan Nielson!

1. I know you opt to share with the public only what you call your children, and not their full names, so how did you arrive at their nicknames?

On my blog I call my kids Bunny and Buddy - they're both names my husband came up with actually! When I was pregnant with our daughter, my husband used to tell everyone we were having a "honey bunny;" when she was born the name stuck, and over time we just started calling her Bunny. Unfortunately, now that she is a little older she won't let me call her that anymore (it makes me so sad!). Our son's nickname came about pretty organically too. Since the beginning he's been a cuddling kind of kid, and he was very colicky, so my husband used to hold him for many hours at night when he was small so i could sleep. He called him his "little buddy", and now we just call him Buddy!

 2.Were there any almost names for your children that didn't end up making the cut? 

Oh we had so much trouble choosing names! We are suckers for biblical names, so for our daughter we were huge fans of Rachel and Rebecca.  I was also pushing for Caro - it was a name from a book I read as a child and just loved. For our son we really had a tough time. Once again, we really loved biblical names, so David was a favourite, but the biggest contender was Christopher, which is actually my husband's name. In the end we just couldn't bear to think he would be known his entire life as Junior, Little Chris, CJ or something. But for me, Cameron was my favourite for a long time. It's a family name that goes back to my first relatively to immigrate to South Africa, escaping religious persecution. I love his story; it's a beautiful rags to riches kind of tale, and one my family loves to tell - I hope that one day a Cameron can be part of our family again. 

3. I love the names Pina and Rie!  Can you share where they come from and why you picked them for your garments?

Aww thank you! Rie is actually the pet name my father calls my mother :) Her name is Muriel, and when they were first married everyone called her "Mue" as a nickname, which he hated, so he started calling her Rie - I've always loved it! I think it's one of my favourite names ever. Pina was my Oumagrootjie’s (Great Grandmother's) nickname. Her name was Phillipina Johanna (named after the apostles Philip and John) but that's a long name! So everyone always called her Pina - i think it's so pretty!

4. Any favorite names right now? 

Cameron is still one of my favourite names. I hope that if we have another little boy in the future that i can call him that.

5. I recently saw that you found a great pack of vintage fabric at the thrift store (pictured above). Any plans yet as to what you're going to do with  it? Have you used any of it already? 

Oh yes!! That was such a find! I really almost died when i saw that box - so many gorgeous fabrics! I actually have a lot of plans for them! I've already used some of the plaids for clothing for my son, and I have some dresses planned for the florals. To be honest, I just can't resist a floral dress :) it's one of my many weaknesses!

6. Do you ever gain inspiration from other disciplines: music, film, gardening? Can you talk a bit about what inspires your design aesthetic? 

Funnily enough, most of my inspirations come from areas outside of fashion. I'm heavily influenced by nature and landscapes, they just really speak to me. I'm a really nostalgic, sentimental person, so most of the time my designs are a reflection of how I'm feeling, and what kind of mood I get from the outdoors. 

7. Do you imagine the women who might wear your creations? What are their stories? 

I absolutely imagine the women who wear my creations! I generally think of them as young women with well curated closets, who appreciate quality and details and think carefully when they get dressed. I imagine them wearing my designs everyday no matter where they going, just because they make them feel pretty. I really think beautiful clothing can influence your mood - and I always hope that when women wear my pieces that they walk out the door feeling amazing, confident and gorgeous! A lot of the time I use my friends as muses - it really helps me to imagine the girl.

7. Do you appreciate the same qualities in names as you do in clothing design? 

Definitely - I really enjoy names that are nostalgic, and a little unusual. The same with clothing - i feel like my designs nod to the past subtly and are different from what you see in any store.

8. Sweetest parenting moment in the last month? 

Gosh there have honestly been so many. This has been a really lovely month for both my kids. I think for my son it was when he gave me a kiss for the first time. He's such a boy, and though he's cuddly, he's never actually kissed either my husband or I; but a few weeks ago when I was reading him a book he just looked up at me and kissed me, and it was one of the sweetest things of my whole life. I will remember that forever. With my daughter -- since she's 3 she's very into imagination games-- her favourite thing to play is mommies and babies right now. You learn a lot about the way you parent from how your kids act when they pretend to be you! I was just touched beyond belief when I overheard her tucking her toy kitten into bed, telling it how much she loved it and how special it was, and finally praying for it and singing the same lullaby i sing to her each night. It was too precious!  

9. Favorite word? 

Bokke - it's an Afrikaans word (my mom is Afrikaans) and it means "little buck" or "little dear", it's something South Africans will say in reference to a pretty girl - and i've always loved it. 

10. Favorite song? 

Gosh of all time? It's an unusual one, especially since it's not of my generation - but I love "Take on Me" by Aha.

11. Favorite book? 

Ooo that's hard, for me it's really a 3 way tie. Each year I read Pride and Prejudice (Jane Austen), North & South (Elizabeth Gaskel) and Nine Couches Waiting (Mary Stewart). They are always duking it out for first place :) I'm a romantic, can you tell? 

12. Anything new on the horizon for you that you can tell us about? 

Right now i'm really just working my butt off! I'm finishing up my Fall collection (my very very late fall collection) and working on new sewing patterns for my pattern line (some womens wear and childrens wear actually). It's all fun and exciting!

Name game time!  please help me create a name by answering the following questions:

1. A color or you love to work with:

Coral - one of my current favourite colours!

2. For the middle name, please pick a name that you heard more in Australia, but don't hear much in the U.S.: 

Nicole! I knew sooo many back home, and haven't heard of a single one here :)

There you have it: Coral Nicole. Beautiful! 

And from today's inspirations, names found alongside Megan's garments, patterns, children and musings:

Megan

Bunny

Buddy

Coral Nicole

Phillipina Johana

Muriel ('Rie')

Mue

David

Christopher

Cameron

Phillip

John

Caro

Rebecca

Rachel

Bokke

Jane

Elisabeth

Mary

Stuart

Sudley

Tania

Sydney 

Ridgeway

Piedmont 

Banksia (a family of Australian flowers, which can yield Banks, Sia, Nia, Bani, even Betty)

Chantilly

Meadow

Rie 

Pina

Dune

Plains (I've seen a Fields, why not Plains?)

Desert

Horizon

Day (from the Midday top, though Midday, itself, could be an option for some.)

Eucalypt

Brumby

Darling

Range

Kelly

Matilda Bay (too great to split the name of this dress up)

Jewel 

Sea

A few pairings from this bunch that strike my fancy:

Muriel Meadow


Phillip Plains 


Sudly Christopher


Jane Eucalypt 


John Piedmont Brumby (Monty)

Stuart Buddy


Banskia Rie 

Elisabeth Day (Betty Day--double name)

Mary Jewel (double name)


Rebecca Dune ('Rue')

Thank you again, Megan! It was such fun talking with you. Best of luck to you and thank you for all the wonderful inspiration.

What do you think, readers? Any more pairings you'd like to see with any of these? Plan to try out any DIY projects, yourselves?  

Happy Weekend!

(images: all courtesy of Megan Neilson, by Megan Neilson, by Sydney Poulton, by Brett Dierolf, by Bryan Skeen)

Eat clean, live clean, surf clean

A blog having anything to do with marginal topics wouldn't really be complete without taking the time to talk about the first family of surfing, the Paskowitz family.  The crew includes two parents, Dorian 'Doc' and Juliette, and NINE children (Juliette was pregnant or breast feeding for ten straight years.)  They all lived together in one camper, traveling and surfing, before finally landing in Hawaii, where they opened a surf camp and became world renown, as much for their unconventional lifestyle as their surfing skills: the kids didn't go to school, they surfed, and Dorian gave up his career as a doctor to surf full time and travel with his family.

The  surf camp has since moved and is run by Izzy Paskowitz, who uses surfing to, amongst other things, connect with children with autism (including his own son.) You can watch more about their particular journey with autism and the role surfing has played in that journey here.

Dorian wrote a book Surfing and Health. He also launched Surfing for Peace. The mission, according the website:

--"Surfing 4 Peace is a person 2 person and cross-border cooperation initiative that aims to bridge cultural and political barriers between surfers in the Middle East."

--“People who surf together, can live together.”
                 - Doc Paskowitz

(source)
If you've yet to see the documentary, Surf Wise (all about the Paskowitz family), I highly recommend it.

I've watched it, oh, about twenty times or so, myself. I watched it for about the eighteenth time the evening before our second daughter was born, actually.  I was starting to have some definite pre-labor the night before her birth and was craving our old beach in Hawaii; I wanted to let my body sync up with the waves and feel the weightlessness that only water can provide to a giant pregnant woman. But I was in a new house (still in a lot of boxes), in a new city, with no ocean. So in my pre-labor euphoria, with my own internal waves gently finding their rhythm and gearing up for the big show, I turned to Surfwise.  It's spirt (and music) were with me the following morning when I awoke with the sun to a fully active (and very short) labor.  I'll always have a giant soft spot for the film for that reason alone, and I'll watch it the night before my baby's birthday every year, I think.

I can tell you that the documentary tends to attract very extreme reactions. People either love or hate the ideologies of Dorian Paskowitz and how he went about raising his children. Personally, I have a split reaction....

 I think it's fine to pull out of society and impart your values by way of extreme lifestyle. I love the idea of taking your child out on his birthday to give him his birthday present, and saying "Son, I give you the ocean!" And while it might inspire total panic on my part, I like that Dorian Paskowtiz was jazzed about being down to his last dime, viewing it as a challenge and new beginning for his family.

Live clean, eat clean, surf clean? Hell yes! I'm on board. I am absolutely unbothered by any of the unconventional parenting choices this family made. I aspire to many of the same choices, actually, (though I can certainly understand why much of it would be objectionable for a lot of people.)

What I think it was, specifically, that did not work for this family was the level of control and physical force employed by Dad, the sort of Tiger Mom-eqsue approach to living, eating and surfing clean, not the lack of normal schooling or the wandering, possessionless lifestyle. People grow up to resent being heftily controlled and lectured, rather than guided gently by example. And allowing your children to make choices about their lives and futures--you can still prepare a person to be a doctor, for example, through home schooling-- is better than forbidding them an education if they want one.  But the thing is, I think he gets this.  He says as much at the end of the film. And I know, I know, damage done, but there's just so much else, so much that's positive, to be taken away from the examples set by this family and their unconventional lives. Watching it always leaves me feeling inspired. It certainly made me feel better about not having pictures on the walls or too many other things worked out at 41 weeks pregnant.

It's really a great lesson in how to properly channel passions and strong convictions, which can really be such wonderful guiding forces for a family if not allowed to run too militant. I think that the Paskowtiz lifestyle, tweaked a bit, is really a beautiful one, and I wish it were met with a bit more openness to it's inspiring aspects.

Also beautiful? The names they wear in this family! Mom and Dad lead the pack with two beautiful names, and the kids follow right on along.


Dorian (dad)
Juliette (mom)

kids:
David
Jonathan
Abraham (this remains a favorite name of mine.)
Israel (Izzy) (love it)
Salvador (another one of my favorites)
Moses
Navah (the one and only sister, and such a beautiful name)
Joshua
Adam


Grandchildren include:
Halo
Delilah
Davida
John Henry
Wolf
Max
Aviva
Isaiah 
Elijah
Danielle
Elah
Phaedra
Moses Zyus
Noan Zane
Jacob Zion

Levi 


What do you think, readers? Have you seen the film? What did you think about it all? What do you think of the names?
 Whatever your take on the lifestyle, this family is doing some wonderful things for the world! Thank you, Juliette, Doc and family! Aloha!

(images: 1-6, unless cited otherwise)